Resolving the Revolving Door

I have come to realize and am learning to accept that some things never change. For nearly three years, I have run round and round the revolving door of my relationship with Dave, and it has only left me beating my head against the same wall.

I have wanted him to change his nastiness, to become nicer and more loving. However, he is unmoved, unwavering in his ways. He continues on. Lately, I've been tracking his moods. It seems that every eighth day he has a blow up at me for no reason. Two weeks and two days ago he blew up at me for calling him when I told him I would be calling. He wasn't busy. I wasn't interrupting him. One week and one day ago, he blew up at me because I asked him a question when he was getting ready to go to bed. It wasn't involved, but the fact that I said anything other than goodnight was the gravest sin. Today, I have been working on some projects at school, and I logged into an IM program. He wasn't on, and since he's on vacation this week, I wondered where he might be. So, I logged into the game we play together to see if he was on there. He was. I said hi to him and asked how come wasn't logged in the IM. No response. I thought that it was possible that he could have been accidentally logged out. This supposedly happned a couple of days ago. So when he didn't answer on the game, I typed "hello" in all caps and with several O's to get his attention.

Well he was instantly pissy. To him, I was demanding an answer. To me, I had only asked a simple question. From my perspective, there was nothing wrong with asking him why is wasn't on Yahoo. He normally is. That's his "routine."

As a result of the tracking I've done and reflecting on the last few years, I believe that he really does have bipolar disorder. He goes from really high highs to really low lows. The low lows are blow ups and complete explosions of temper. It is unbelieveable. He is unwilling to change, unwilling to give.

I've struggled with my decision to leave for quite some time. I think, truly, that even though I don't want to be single and I don't want to be without him, that I would be happier without him. Seriously. I wouldn't have to deal with the crap that i have to deal with week in and week out. I can't stand being with someone who thinks the world revolves around him and then projects that on me. Maybe I really should just leave the relationship. It would resolve the revolving door issue.