I'm learning about myself and maybe just how I feel about Dave. I was trying to work things out for myself earlier today. I think what I've come up with is: I love him dearly, but I don't necessarily want to be with him in a romantic way. I feel like I want someone who gives me a bit more attention, who makes me feel like I'm important to him and an important part of his life, someone who has some goals and ambition in life. He has been doing pretty well so far with the way he's treating me.. Of course, I've been home for nearly a month. This time is going fairly well. If he holds out not being a jackass to me, maybe everything else can sort out too.
I've lost almost 12 pounds, although, tomorrow is the official weigh in. So I may have lost more or less depending. I figure I will try this one last time with him. If I can lose a significant amount of weight and get to a comfortable size (for me), maybe he will pay more attention to me, be more affectionate, etc. If he isn't, I may just have to hang it up with him. I'm doing this - losing weight - for me, not him. If he doesn't give me what I want and feel I deserve, I can find someone else. I just don't know when I'll be able to go back for an extended stay. I was thinking maybe Christmas again, but I may have a "real job" by then. Although, with the economy and job market as they are, I could conceivably be working for a temporary agency and not have a position set in stone. It would be optimal to be able to live in England and see how he is full time, when we both have jobs and pressures of life. I would be willing to try that out with him for six months.
On the other hand, I've decided that if someone here takes interest in me and I decide to date him or if someone there takes interest in him and he decides to date her, that's ok. It will just mean we're not meant for one another. I will do my best to be happy for him and hope he's happy for me. Since we lived together for 28 days, I have been yearning for the same type of setup. I want to find someone, Dave or someone else, with whom to live and spend my life. I want to settle down - soon.
I've been watching The Big Bang Theory and am absolutely loving it! I finished the first season today and watched a few episodes of season two. All my homework for the week is finished! I have to say that I'm thoroughly enjoying getting my work done a little bit at a time. It helps to keep stress at a minimum. I hope I don't see the stressful periods this semester like I have in previous ones. It looks like this week is going to be pretty light. I've gotten most things done already, so that makes me happy. I like working ahead. I'm ready to graduate.
Tomorrow is the start of boxing. I am SO excited. It's been so long since I've truly worked out. I hope that I can keep up and everything goes well. I will just do my best. That's all I can ask for.
I didn't hear from Dave today, but I know he had plans to go out with his friends to watch the Liverpool match at The Wheatpieces and go for an indian. So I didn't expect to hear from him really.
It's Superbowl Sunday, and I'm not interested. Heh. It's weird how I've lost interest even in the commercials. I just want to get finished with this semester and graduate. Then hopefully I Dave and I can spend a couple of months together in the summer....and maybe secretly get married while I'm there. =) We'll see. Only time will tell.
This was a really good day. I got pretty much all my homework done. All that's left to do for this week is read one chapter in my PHP book. I have even completed some assignments that are due next week. FANTASTIC!!! I like working ahead. It will come in handy in the future, I'm sure.
Things with Dave went well today. I miss him a lot. I miss cuddling with him. I miss everything, except being a maid. However, I do love cooking for us. And I love making sure our house feels like a home. And of course, I love sex with him. I do really love him. I need a way to be with him permanently.
This evening, I started watching The Big Bang Theory online. I found a site that has all the season one episodes. I have laughed so much. It's really a great show. Dave has been watching it the last week and has said raved about it. I thought I'd try it out. I'm glad I did.
I'm really excited about my weightloss too. I weighed in today at 299.4 lbs. That's nearly 11 lbs. in less than two weeks! Monday I start boxing. I'm super excited about seeing my old friends and getting in a great workout.
