Does He Want Me Back?

For the last week or so Dave has been contacting me regularly. Last Friday, he sent me a text message saying that he hadn't seen me online in a while and wondered if I am ok. Why does he care? Honestly, he is the reason I don't go online so much. He is the reason I backed away. He was so uncaring and unkind toward me. I know I said some really mean things to him, and I am sorry for that. He's never apologized to me.

On Monday, he sent me mail on one of the social networking sites asking me if I still plan to go over there next month. What the frick?! I explained that I still have my ticket, but I have no money for food, and since he said I couldn't stay with him, I would have no place to stay. He said am welcome to stay with him. I said I would think about it.

Yesterday, I told him I would come over. He then sent me a message about working out my rent payments when I get there. Immediately, my mind flashed to what he wants. The first thought is sexual favors, which I'm not into. When we talked about it, he said he wanted me to "suck [his] cock." When asked what was in it for me, he said "licks and some sex." That isn't what I want. I want a relationship with someone who will love me and respect me, not use me for sex and move along. I explained there would be no sex without a relationship. He said he doesn't like the distance and that he feels the only way around the distance issue is for one of us to win the lottery. So my option for "rent" is to do his housework. I guess it wouldn't bad. He's really not a slob. He doesn't like messes. And it's the least I can do to stay there for free and be fed.

Last night when we were chatting on messenger, he was so flirty and playful the way I remember him. I had fun, but it just feels like there's something missing. I expect I don't really trust him to not use me. We could have had something very special, something to last forever. I'm not sure that's possible now.

So why is he "after me"? Why is he asking me to still come to England and spend the holidays with him and his family? Why does he want to be intimate with me? Does he love me? Does he think his family won't wonder if there's something more between us than a friendship if I come over 3k miles to spend time with him during the holidays? They may not be educated people, as in not have college degrees, but I'm sure they aren't idiots. Surely they have common sense. Surely they know we aren't just friends, or that we weren't. As for the sex, I expect I must be pretty good at it if he wants it still, and I know he's pretty good at it. The sex I had with him is by far the best I ever had.

I don't want to be a fool. I don't want to be stupid or an idiot. I don't want to do something I will regret. I won't regret going there, but I would regret sex with him under the current circumstances.

So does he want me back or does he just want me for sex?